Monday, April 22, 2013

Pho and Grill

This place is on 290, just right outsidethe loop. I'll agree that it's not in a neighborhood I typically associate with great Vietnamese food, but it's right by the movie theater I normally go to with my bf and the other day we needed to stop and get something before we saw Jurassic Park 3D. Have you guys seen that yet? It's awesome, I definitely recommend it, if only because Jurassic Park was the best movie ever made when it came out, and now with 3D retouching it's once again the best movie ever!!! +10 I'll admit that Ian Malcolm is maybe not my dream man anymore, ever since Daniel Craig, beefcake of the year, was cast as James Bond, but he's still a pretty cool scientist and I think we can all agree that the velociraptors in that movie are so scary!! I was just talking to my brother the other day about how easily I'm scared by movies and he pointed out that the last time the two of us watched a scary movie together I had to sleep on his bottom bunk because I was too scared; he thinks this is a funny story because I was twenty at the time but in reality this is a funny story because the movie was Jurrasic Park. Don't worry guys I have fish now that protect me from that sort of stuff so I wasn't too traumatized by the 3D version.

Anyway. Pho and Grill. So this is what's important: there are booths along the side and I know what you are thinking, wow, those must be the best seats in the house, the only thing is once you sit down you realize that they are the most uncomfortable booths ever created! What they did was they took a solid wood bench and then they sanded it so that it looked rounded, like there was padding, and then stapled a piece of fabric over it, so that it gives the illusion that it's a super comfortable, secretive booth, but in real life it's a sleeper cell of hatred and discomfort. -29 This is the biggest kind of betrayal ever, as booths are the nicest part about eating in a restaurant and these booths completely pervert everything that their breed stands for. It's mean! You know what this compares to? There's this lawn-mowing company or something, I didn't give them the satisfaction of remembering what their business is, and they printed their business cards on what looks like a hundred dollar bill; when you fold it in half, it's exactly the size of a quartered hundred dollar bill and the sides are printed so it looks exactly like one. Anyways so I'm at work, hanging out, doing my business, giving people food and taking their money for it, and I look down in the tip jar and there's a hundred dollar bill! I flip out! This is so great! One hundred dollars, split three ways... that's thirty three dollars!  A fortune! I can quit my job! I start to plan what I'm going to buy with it, I think about all the tropical vacations I'm going to go on, I think about the Maserati I'm going to buy, I pick out the Swatches I'm going to buy for my parents as a thank you for raising me... I fish it out, to show to my coworkers, so they can begin to plan their new lives too, and guess. what. It's NOT a hundred dollar bill! I'm NOT rich! It's just some dumb business card for some dumb lawn-mowing business or like a bail bonds attorney or something. THAT'S what those booths did to me, again.

Look I know that sounds like a good reason to never go to Pho and Grill but I'm sure it's a nice place to go if you sit at a table. I found a hair in my pho, but it was mine, so don't freak out. This happens to me a lot because I have long hair and I rarely brush it, so whenever I wear it down all the live hairs are trying to push out the dead hairs because it's traumatic for them to have to be together in such cramped conditions, I mean it's actually pretty inhumane, if the CPS or I guess it would really be the Hair Protective Services found out, they'd be pretty peeved. But luckily I've managed to stay under their radar for this long and my only punishment is occasionally finding horse tail long hairs in my soup only to realize that it is in fact my own, and also that half of my hair now tastes like bean sprouts and broth. +18 Just keeping it for later, that's what I always say. (That's pretty gross, to be clear I never say that.)

Anyways if anyone wants to go see Jurassic Park in 3D with me please email me at arbitrarycriticism@live.com but just to let you know afterwards you may wake up to discover that I have crept into your home and am attempting to fear cuddle you.


Pho & Grill on Urbanspoon

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