So two Monday's ago I went to the grand opening of the Alamo Drafthouse in Vintage Park. I'm offering this restaurant review to you less as information and more as proof that I'm an intelligent, well cultured young woman who attends such things as Grand Openings, and rubs elbows with such famous celebrities as one Jason Schwartzman.
My brother attended college in Austin, at the prestigious University of Texas campus. (I'm only saying nice things about him because I feel sorry for him for having to live in such a liberal, drug fueled culture without the benefit of a city as large and diverse as Houston. Let's all pity him together, guys.) Anyways when I was young and restless and in high school I'd go visit him, and he told me about this place called the Alamo Drafthouse where you could eat food while watching your movie, and a friend of a friend saw Quentin Tarantino do cocaine off of one of the tables. I didn't even know what Quentin Tarantino looked like, and at the time I was living in Waco and was therefore blown (no pun intended) away by the big city antics of Austin. (It's OK to laugh guys, I've grown much since moving to Houston and now laugh in the face of Austin-ites.) Anyways so I went to visit him once and he offered to take me to the Alamo Drafthouse, after much hype, only to discover that all of the showings for that evening had been sold out. On another trip we went again, only to discover that it was closed for renovations. When it reopened, I went for a third attempt, only to find that it had been struck by lightening and was closed for the day. That's correct, guys: Austin does not, in fact, have an actual Alamo Drafthouse, but only a shell of a building that they have erected to impress out of town guests and provide some sense of comfort to the poor hippies who toil in this desolate city. We Houston-ites are so, so fortunate to not have to display such trickery, and have, in fact, several real live Alamo Drafthouses in our city. +82
Here's what was really cool about the grand opening: Jason Schwartzman came to talk about himself, and then afterwards they showed the movie Rushmore. If you guys haven't seen this movie you really should, if only because then the next time you're driving past St. John's and Lamar on Westheimer you can look at them and say, hey, look at that, those places are in a movie! This is pretty exciting as I am very seduced by the limelight, hence the fact that I have this wildly popular blog about my own personal arbitrary criticisms. +13 Plus as you probably know not very many movies have been filmed in Houston and it fills me with a great sense of city pride to see us on the silver screen. Because of this desire I'm writing a television series called Pizza Hit, about a girl who works in a pizza restaurant, which you should know is in no way based on my own extensive experience in the pizza industry because I'm way too cool for anything as mundane as that, heh heh heh. Anyways it was really cool to see this famous person so close to me, society columns should know that he arrived with a backpack and I will report that he was, in fact, double strapping. Take that, my father - famous people double strap their backpacks.
In other news about the grand opening, after spending the entire day in my cost controls class with little chance for lunch, by the time my boyfriend arrived at Alamo Drafthouse, I at least was quite famished. Seduced by anything with the words "fried pickle" in the item name, I recklessly ordered appetizers and entrees and chocolate shakes, and after this food frenzy like most college students I began to fear the total on the bill that was slowly winging it's way to my seat. But guess what, guys! They were having this thing called "training days" and because their employees were all new, everybody's food was 50% off, regardless of whether or not something got screwed up! A whole 50% off! +1890 There's nothing I love more than unexpected discounts. Especially one as large as that! My only regret is that I did not order more food!!!
Anyways check out whichever Alamo Drafthouse is closest to your home and then be filled with Houston style pride, even if you don't live in Houston, even if you accidentally got lost and live in Austin, because we're a great city and everybody loves us.