Ok we can actually start by addressing the ‘s’ in Brasil - it wasn't bothering me at first but it keeps popping up in my spell check which is pretty obnoxious. I mean geez that's a whole nation of people that they're offending by their inability to spell I don't call them hipzters do I? They'd probably like it, the sick, twisted little jerks. -7 Its not even the most hipster part of the place I mean it's off of Westheimer I actually was surprised by the Dunlavy address. In the dining area they have all these stuffed animals that are nailed to the walls in some sort of installation art kind of way. I think it would be kind of funny if they'd mounted stuffed animals on their walls like they were hunting prizes, but that isn't how they did it. They just tacked all these poor stuffed animals in kind of like a pile on the wall; it's hard for me to describe without using words like "horrific" and "truly disturbing." I jest I jest it really isn't that bad, it's just weird and I don't understand it. My friend Ian made a coat out of the pelts of stuffed animals once and called it art; that is something I can understand. That is funny and witty. Stuffed animals destroyed to warm one of the walls (actually 2!) at Cafe Braxil? That's pretty weird. -9 But it gets worse! I ordered the grilled cheese sandwich and it came with French fries and do you know what they give you to dip them in? Organic ketchup! How does that even make sense? For one thing I never understood the organic phase but for another thing: Ketchup? I mean the whole thing is chock full of preservatives anyway! I mean wasn't that why ketchup was invented? To keep your tomatoes safe through the winter? To preserve your tomatoes through the winter? I'm just saying it seems like a strictly marketing maneuver and I'm against it. -5 The worst thing, though, was on their special menu. Do you know what they were advertising as their Friday special? Two-dollar Lonestars. What! For one thing, the only beer more hipster than Lonestar is PBR. For another, why would you ever pay even two dollars for Lonestar? I wouldn't pay fifty cents! I thought specials were supposed to make the beer cheaper so you'd be more inclined to buy it, not alert you to how expensive they are so you can get righteously indignant and blog about it in a complainy way! -6
Look I actually liked Cafe Bratil a bit. I mean I ate their grilled cheese sandwich and it wasn't buttery enough and the crust was burnt my dad makes better. But it wasn't a bad place, you know? So I'm going to keep complaining about it but you should know it's not terrible.
That being said, geez their bathrooms are so awful! It was like when I opened the bathroom door I crossed into some kind of mental institution. I'm talking all metal furnishings, a concrete floor, white tiles on the walls. I felt claustrophobic in there. I felt like I should be wearing a straitjacket. I just felt crazy in there it was terrible! -56 I'm not saying the bathroom is the most important part of the restaurant, I mean obviously in another person's blog the food's the most important. But that's such a personal location, you know? I mean if somebody needs to be comfortable anywhere it's the toilet right!?! So I can't help but think that for them to make this one so institutional was a huge faux pas especially considering how warm and welcoming they tried to make the rest of the restaurant.
Also, know what they have inside the restaurant? A statue of a lion! I thought it was really sweet but I was kind of confused: am I in Cafe Bralil or am I standing outside the New York Public Library? I like lions a lot once I went to the Waco Zoo for a friend's birthday party in about sixth grade or so and we went right when it opened; everybodywas tired even the lions. So we all wandered up to the glass and the lion did too, probably thinking, mmm, I haven't had my steak yet this morning, these eleven-year-olds look delicious... And he roared! Rooooarrrr! And he reared up and put his hands up against the glass and oh my gosh it was one of the most moving moments of my life, it's like when you listen to that Blake Shelton song “Austin” and she answers and says, "If you're calling about my heart, it's still yours". His big old lion paws were on the glass and then I could lean forward and put my person hands against his and his paws were so much bigger than mine! He was so much more powerful than I was! But I'm not eleven anymore and my hands are a lot bigger I could take a lion now. Anyways my point is I really like that Cafe Brabil has a lion statue inside their restaurant. +12
Anyways so that's my whole review. I know it was mostly negative but like I said it's located right off Westheimer so I knew what I was getting into and probably so would you if you went in! Give it a try and then email me at email@example.com!