Thursday, December 13, 2012

Maggie Rita's

I'm sure some of you are familiar with Maggie Rita's, the Tex-Mex restaurant started here in Houston by not very funny Latino comedian Carlos Mencia. We've all heard the comparison, for example, between his food and his jokes. The way you notice, once you order, that "queasy" and "queso" have only a two letter difference. (That's the kind of thing Carlos Mencia thinks is really funny). Anyways they're going out of business like hot cakes, and I figured if I was going to hop on the bandwagon and complain about Maggie Rita's too I'd better get on it before they were all gone.

Here's the thing guys: I didn't have any real kind of problem with Maggie Rita's. It was just like all other Tex-Mex restaurant but more expensive. I'm twenty-two. I'm from Waco. I wouldn't appreciate authentic food if it came up and bit me on the nose (I mean that's kind of a silly thing to say, I wouldn't appreciate anything that bit my nose, that's just mean). I went to the one on San Felipe and instantly diagnosed why they were going out of business - it was a massive restaurant with enough ceiling room for a person four times my size, but only like ten parking spots! How can you fill a restaurant if nobody can park! I'm just saying guys this is Houston it's not like people are going to walk or ride these bikes to this kind of joint. If there's three people going to the restaurant together and two of them live in the same neighborhood, they're going to take three cars. They need three separate parking spots. At Maggie Rita's, that's like, the entire lot they've already filled. And then there's a Dessert Gallery next door. I'm sure that place gets backed to the gills every night, so that further displaces patrons. I'm just saying they got what they deserved. -12

Here's my other complaint. So I ordered the tortilla soup because it cost less than $20, and then they brought it to me and it was a bowl of chicken and tomatoes and broth and then there was a separate plate with my tortilla strips and cheese and avocados. I'm just saying, most of the reason I go to restaurants is so other people will make my dinner for me. I don't want to show up and put my own ingredients inside my soup, that's what I'm paying somebody else to do. -10

Like I said those were my only two real complaints. I even liked the soup, I thought it tasted good. There was this really pretty painting of the Mona Lisa, it was just her face and it was all done in blues and greens. +20 Maybe when this location goes out of business I'll buy that painting for real cheap on the side of the road. Do restaurants have garage sales? Like in their front yard, in their garage? Like do they post signs? It's not too far from my apartment I wonder if I'll see the signs posted at the corner of my block. I just really liked that painting, you know? The thing is I don't know where I'd put it in my apartment, I have several blank walls in my apartment, but it's kind of a long painting, you know, real tall, the only thing is on those blank spots, like I have a book shelf underneath, or my desk or my dresser or something. It's just not enough space all at once. I'd have to completely rearrange all my furniture and the only problem with that is I'm a bit of a slob, so to rearrange all my furniture I'd have to completely clean my room and there's a pizza box underneath my bed that's been there for a while that I'd have to throw away... it just kind of seems like a hassle. Maybe I could put it in the kitchen... but then it would get, like, oil and stuff on it when I cook, I feel like that stuff gets in the air, you know, and it would ruin the painting... you know what, forget it, I'll figure it out.

I also like that when they bring you chips and salsa, it's not just tortilla chips, it's also plantain chips. Oh my gosh it's so good, dipping plantains in salsa, because they're kind of sweet and I like to put a lot of salt in my salsa, so these are my three favorite flavors: sweet, salty, and spicy spicy spicy! +54 I just think it's really clever, nobody's ever done this for me before. Maggie Rita's is real sweet.

Like I said I actually really liked Maggie Rita's. Look I'm never going to go back there again, don't get me wrong, but I'm just the unsophisticated audience they're looking to prey upon. If anyone wants to go there with me email me at arbitrarycriticism@live.com.

Maggie Rita's on Urbanspoon

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