Look I'm going to try and give a fair and balanced review here, but I'm not going to act like I didn't think - like I'm sure we all did - that taquitos are little fried tubes of meat paste. My only exposure to taquitos to this point has been in the freezer section of H-E-B and made by Del Monte. Apparently, that's just a white people thing. Apparently, taquito is just Spanish for tiny taco. Apparently any taco can also be a taquito. As usual I've done no actual research and am just assuming you shmucks will believe whatever I tell you, but either way there was nothing fried about the taquittos at Sunrise Taquito and to my avid disapproval the meat inside these delicacies appeared to be from an actual animal and not from a meat paste machine. I know. -10
Here's the best part of Sunrise Taquito - its built attached to a gas station! While this does make it hard to see when coming down the street from certain angles, it makes everything inside it so delicious. Seriously guys, when have you ever had anything bad from a gas station? And I'm not talking just about good stuff like those huge cans of Arizona green tea for just 99 cents or Snicker's bars. Or those mint chocolate M&Ms, which you can basically only get at gas stations and also CVS pharmacy which is the only reason I go to CVS pharmacy, other than their extremely steep discounts on after Easter candy. I'm talking about ICEEs, guys. Did you know that all summer long at Valero, you can get any size ICEE for only a dollar? Any size! Just a dollar! And you know those hot dogs that you can get at gas stations? They aren't disgusting, guys! Not by a long shot! This one gas station in my neighborhood sells nachos. Nachos! What you do is, you take a bag of chips, you open it up and pour it into the paper tray they provide, and then you use the nacho cheese they provide for the hot dogs and you can use the hot dog jalapenos and onions and things too. I'm not just making this up like it's some kind of ghetto college student thing I do to get food for free. This is a real thing they do, and I love it. I love it! But this Shell station, they've taken it a step further! They're serving real taquitos, and there wasn't a microwave in sight! +92 (I'd prefer if nobody mentioned the move of Subway into gas stations, I'm far less amused by this sort of antic.)
Here's the other thing. So there were all these pictures of people posted on one side of their cash register. Ignoring for a moment for the fact that some of those dudes were super hot, I wonder - who were those people? Obviously a couple thoughts come to mind, employees, favorite guests, blah blah blah, that's all super boring. I'm hoping that these people are people who've completed the "Sunrise Taquito Challenge." Look like most Americans, I started watching Man Vs. Food during exam week last semester and instantly fell in love. It combined my two favorite things: eating a lot of food, and having people congratulate you for meaningless accomplishments. (Did I tell you guys I won thirty dollars in Las Vegas? I did?) I mean guys I was obsessed with that show for a hot minute, let me tell you. I liked the episodes where he ate really spicy things, obviously- after one such episode, I sat down to train for the Buffalo Wild Wings Blazing Challenge, a competition I'm still preparing for- but what instantly turned me on were the ones where he ate huge quantities of food at once. I feel like this is the sort of competition I've been training for my whole life. And I'm not talking about those hot dog eating contest where people dip their buns in water, that stuffs gross, I'm looking for endurance rather than speed. Adam Richman eats a lot of food, but it's good food, and he's appreciating it the whole time. That's what I like to see. If there was a competition to see who could eat the most popcorn without stopping, I'm in. I can shovel handful after handful of popcorn into my mouth, all day long, especially if it's covered in fake butter, especially if it has garlic salt on it. A competition to see who can eat the most bowls of macaroni cheese? I'm in. I'll eat macaroni and cheese for weeks, I don't care. You get what I'm saying here? Once I ate an entire watermelon in one day. I was pretty bloated afterwards, but I did it. I did it out of love and respect for the watermelon. So I think that those people on the wall love Sunrise Taquito so much that they completed the Sunrise Taquito Challenge - two hundred taquitos, one day. You have to pay for your own taquitos, but you get your picture on the wall. I think it's worth it. +32
That's all I've got about Sunrise Taquito. I know I've been kind of flaky about updating my blog these past couple weeks, and so if you feel like you need some more Catherine Martin love before our regularly scheduled blog post this Thursday, please, feel free to read this article that I wrote for a reputable website that's not even written by a college student in her free time. And then email me about how much you love it at firstname.lastname@example.org!