Monday, July 9, 2012

Genghis Grill

I'm sorry to review two chain restaurants in a row, but Genghis Grill just opened it's seventh Houston location and it's in my neighborhood and they threw a party and I love parties so this is what you're getting, chumps. Genghis Grill.

So this party was a couple weeks ago, do you know who came around when we were seated? A man who makes balloon animals for a living! +67 There is nothing I find more amusing than people who make their living making balloon animals. I mean I don't really know too much about it, he's one of only two of this phenomena that I've met, the other was a young woman at Kroger for Mother's Day. (She made me a tiger and she even drew whiskers on it with a Sharpie. I got her number if anyone wants it; turned out she didn't want to go on a date, she just wanted to run entertainment at my next kid's party. :( ) But do you guys thing this is like, their full-time job, or it's just something they do nights and weekends for fun? How much do they get paid, making balloon animals? Do you have to go to balloon animal college? Is it an associate's degree or a full Bachelor of Arts, or like is it just a training certificate? Probably the BA. Are there clubs and groups you can join to meet other Balloon Artists? I start my senior year at college this year, you guys may or may not know, and that means I have one year to decide what I want to be when I grow up. So far the list had been: 1. Unicorn Rancher 2. Candy Taster at the Wonka Factory 3. Billionaire. Now, though, I have a number 4 swiftly coming up the ranks. Balloon Animal Grad School, here I come. I hope they have a good college here in Houston, I hate moving. -3

But back to Genghis Grill. So this guys comes round and he says would you like a balloon animal and I say yes, how about a dog. "A frog? Lovely!" That's not even what I asked for, but I happen to love frogs, I bought my shower curtain at Target and it's COVERED in frogs. I think maybe there's a leak or something in my bathroom, but I've called the exterminator. (No guys I was joking! They aren't real frogs on my shower curtain, they're just printed on! Only a joke guys!) My point was I asked for a dog but he made me a frog instead, but it wasn't even a cool frog! Like with big lips and weird looking eyes! Instead of a fun frog like that, he made me Yoshi, from Super Mario Brothers! Yoshi isn't even a frog, he's a dragon! -8 Come on guys, let's show a little professionalism, please.

The other thing is have you been to one of these? Go immediately. Here's what happens. You take your bowl, you go through this line of food, you put WHATEVER YOU WANT in your bowl, and then they fry everything up on the hibachi grill and suddenly instead of having a bowl of disgusting, good for you vegetables and raw meats, you have saucy, cooked foods that you can gulp down using either chopsticks OR forks! +9 It's so fun! You start out and you decide what kinds of meats you want, you can have as many as you want! As many! And then you can put some seasoning powders on it, as many as you want! And then there are all kinds of vegetables, and if you don't like some of them, it doesn't matter, there are fifty other vegetables to choose from! And if you mostly just want onions in yours, you can mostly just get onions! Ditto mushrooms! Ditto everything else they have! It's like that T.I. song "You Can Have Whatever You Like" but with an even better beat! Uggh it's just so satisfying. +89

The only thing that I think is silly is that on the wall by where you pick up your bowl, they have little cards with recipes on them for in case you don’t want to make your own decisions about what to put in your bowl. Why would you ever not want to make your own decisions about that sort of thing?? What sort of person goes to a place like Genghis Grill, in order to be constrained by the likes and dislikes of someone else?? That’s like going to Souper Salad so someone else can tell you what to put in your salad! -17 No, guys! That’s not the game we’re playing right now! If you don’t want to pick out your ingredients, you can go to a lame hibachi grill and just sit there and be amazed at the cook instead of going to Genghis Grill, where everyone knows that the truly cool things are picking out your own food and having balloon animals made for you! Get out! Just go!

All the rest of you, though, have a lovely Monday. If you have any information about balloon animal college, please feel free to email me at Genghis Grill - The Mongolian Stir Fry on Urbanspoon

1 comment:

  1. Hilarious. Perhaps this restaurant is for those who are tired of going to fast food chains and restaurants that do not have what they want, the way they want it. Perhaps it's a good place to have a kid's party, what will all those animal balloons they make?