Monday, March 19, 2012

The Buffalo Grille

The Buffalo Grille is located at 4080 Bissonnet, and this is funny because this is their new location. Their Bissonnet location used to be in the HEB parking lot but they wanted to class the joint up a bit so they moved four blocks down; now they're located in the Randall's parking lot. It's a much higher class clientele. +6

Before I get started on this review I want to tell you a story about my experiences with Buffalo Grille back when I was a lowly pizza worker. Their last day in the HEB parking lot, they called Pink's Pizza and ordered 15 sandwiches to be delivered there, as a kind of Last Supper for their employees. I thought this was pretty weird since Pink's Pizza, believe it or not, is a pizza place, and if you're going to order food for fifteen people it's much more economical to order four or five pizzas than FIFTEEN sandwiches. So I tell the guy the total and it's over a hundred dollars by a bit and I tell him I'm going to need a credit card number. "I wanted to pay cash," he informed me. I explain that on any order over a hundred dollars it's our policy to take a credit card number, just as insurance for the restaurant. And he got upset at me! "That's unbelievable! I'm a restaurant owner myself! I've been in the restaurant industry for over sixteen years, and I've never heard of a policy like this! I can't believe you expect all of your customers to even have credit cards! I'm so insulted that you don't trust me!" He went on and on and I found it obnoxious because honestly guys if this guy's worked in restaurants for sixteen years then geez, for one thing he should know that not all customers are honest, and for another, for goodness sakes, the girl answering the phones is absolutely NOT the one making the policies and therefore it's POINTLESS to yell at her and in my opinion more than a little bit rude! What a jerk wad! Doesn't he have employees of his own? Doesn't he hate when they get yelled at by dweebs who don't like following his rules? -9 In the end though there was another employee hanging out in his off time not even clocked in and the manager made him make the jerk's sandwiches instead so I could "focus on other things", i.e., enjoying watching people do my job for me. +4

Here's what's great about Buffalo Grille though: so does anybody hate when people have self service drink stations and you have to keep getting up to find yourself more beverage? I'm not saying it's any less annoying for waitresses to have to keep coming round and filling your glass up, either. In general the smaller my water glass, however, the less happy I am, because I drink a lot of water and I hate having to keep interrupting my conversations and stopping stuffing my face with food too, those are the worst things about eating out! So I know what you're thinking I'm going to say, you're thinking: oh, so the Buffalo Grille has big water glasses, that's cool. BUT IT'S EVEN COOLER THAN THAT! So Melissa asks for a Dr. Pepper and they give her the red cup and they tell me the water cups are by the drink fountain and we wander over there, and guys, they have THREE DIFFERENT SIZES OF WATER CUP. They have a small water cup like they have at Cici's because if you aren't ordering a soft drink you're a second class citizen and deserve less beverage, for when you want a small amount of water. They have the medium sized water cups like they have in most restaurants for when you want a medium amount of water. And then they have huge water cups for when your name is Catherine Martin and you drink like a freaking camel! +333! I mean seriously isn't this the coolest thing you've ever heard? It instantly made up for that guy being a jerk that one time I mean I'm sure he was upset, it was the last time there was ever going to be a Buffalo Grille in that HEB parking lot, I'd be sad and moody too. I'm always sad and moody over things that are less important than that! It just seems like an efficient system because if you're only going to drink a small amount of water, you don't have to waste your time standing there waiting for the whole cup to fill, and so on and so on.... rarely have I ever seen a restaurant cater so well to my personal needs.

So the Buffalo Grille has pretty average food but here's what you should know: Melissa and I ordered the full order of chicken fried steak so we could split it between the two of us, but instead of giving us a giant piece of chicken fried steak, they gave us two regular sized pieces on the same plate. I want you to imagine for a moment how much food that is. I mean thank God we split it between the two of us there's no way a normal person can eat that much chicken fried steak. +8 But you know, here's what restaurants need: couches inside the restaurant. We've already discussed The Blue Fish and their sofas, that's a pretty good idea. But be honest guys, after you stuff your face, what do you want to do? You want to lay on your back and talk about how fat you are. What if restaurants took advantage of this, and put couches inside the restaurant? And then put mirrors on the ceiling, so you can lift your shirt up and do that thing where you make your stomach talk? "Oh, Catherine, I'm so full of chicken fried steak, yum yum yum yum yum!" Don't act like you never do that.

Anyways that's about it for my review of The Buffalo Grille, though let me just lodge another complaint against 002 Houston: Inside their restaurant listings they have them listed not under "B", where any normal person would put them, but under "T"! What a bunch of jerks, don't they know how alphabetizing works? -3 for 002 Houston. Before I sign off, though, I recently received some feedback from my friend Marcus that he'd read my blog if I reviewed restaurants he'd ever heard of. Since he's never going to read this I'll go ahead and call him out and say it's jerky not to support your friends' blogs. But I'll take it to heart and I want to encourage you guys to let me know which restaurants you guys like! I'd much rather write blogs that you my dozens of readers want to read than ones you don't! Email any suggestions to arbitrarycriticism@live.com and any other feedback you guys might have, I'm always open to suggestions!

Buffalo Grille on Urbanspoon

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