Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Max's Wine Dive

Hello, my dozens of fans! Today I'm bringing to you a review of Max's Wine Dive, at 4720 Washington. I went there about a month ago with my parents, and I'm pretty sad to tell you guys that it's not actually a dive at all. I mean I don't know what you think of when you think of a wine dive, but I typically think of an abandoned barn where in addition to Boone's Farm they serve moonshine and peanuts. Max's Wine Dive isn't in an abandoned barn, but it is in a shopping center, which is close. Unfortunately that's where my comparison ends - they had an extensive list of wines and an even more extensive list of foods, which were in my opinion over priced but also in my opinion quite delicious. I don't know how you guys feel about grilled cheeses, but they rank right under macaroni and cheese for me, and Houston Press ranked Max's Wine Dive as one of Houston's top 5 grilled cheeses. The list of these restaurants is all the way across the room and there's no chance I'm going to stand up, but from what I remember "Catherine Martin's Grilled Cheeses" are the other four, and I can confirm that Max's Wine Dive does rate a slot with these other prestigious restaurants.

Moving quickly along to the important aspects of this review, I went to the bathroom almost immediately on entering the restaurant (all those liquids, I mean just looking at a bar can set me off sometimes) and you guys will never guess what I found inside. OK guess. You're right! They had a pink trashcan! A pink trashcan! I didn't have a chance to scope out the men's restroom (there was someone in there and they asked for a minute but I was too eager to return to my guests) (I'm just kidding I didn't even try to get into the men's room) but I assume they also had a pink trashcan. These are the kind of details I think are important in a restaurant. It's just they didn't go out and buy a pink trashcan at Target, like I did when I moved into my apartment over the summer. They had a different trashcan, probably that they got from someone else on that filthy strip center, and spray painted it pink so it would fit in with the decor of the restaurant! I assume! It was just really touching! I mean all the trash I had to throw away were my paper towels (that's right I always wash my hands) but I still felt like a princess and next time I'll be sure to generate more waste, maybe clean out my purse while an extensive line forms, so I'll be able to make better use of that trashcan I assume they put in just for me, Catherine Martin. +87

They had other really cute things in this Wine Dive as well. Look I mean it's obviously a bar, it's called Max's Wine Dive, so if you were also confused by this Houston Press article you're clearly an idiot, CATHERINE. So my point is it's really dingy and dark on the inside, bar-like, filled with people even though it's a Monday and everybody should be worried about work or school in the morning and not boozing it up in a place I wanted to hang out, but whatever, I'm not bitter. But on all the walls and the backs of the employees shirts were all these charming phrases, like, "Wine makes you thin ;-)", "merlot is the new merlot", and "suck the marrow out of life". It wasn't like being in a bar at all but like living inside a cocktail napkin! +9 What I like most about this is how charmingly they remained both masculine and feminine. They had these cute touches everywhere with the cocktail napkin phrases and pink trashcans, but they still had a hard, dark, bar-like interior that you half expected someone to pull a cigar out and start lecturing their friends about polo scores or whatever it is men talk about.

Here's a fun fact: my parents watch Chopped all the time and they insist that the chef was on the show one episode! I've combed their website for confirmation or denial of this, and I can't find any so I'm going to assume it's true. Food Network is the one channel I've never known anybody to be wrong about; it's impossible to watch it with anything but rapt attention and I can recite more facts about Man Vs. Food (Editor's Note: Man Vs. Food is actually on the Travel Channel) than anything I've ever learned in one of my classes (Editor's Note: Maybe some of my professors should take a page out of Food Network's book and start showing more pictures of food during their slideshows about "the Kennedy administration" and "algebra" or whatever stupid topics they find relevant). I've forgotten my point by now, but basically Max's Wine Dive is famous and if you go there you'll be famous too. +13

I think that just about covers my review of Max's Wine Dive. Like I mentioned, they seem a bit overpriced to me and they were waaay too crowded for it to be a Monday night, but their food was delicious and they do have charming bathrooms, so draw your own conclusions and email me the results at arbitrarycriticism@live.com!

Max's Wine Dive on Urbanspoon

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