I've been reviewing a lot of Houston restaurants lately and I realize that they might not be as accessible to my audiences in other cities. To cater to you, my dear readers, I've chosen today to focus on a nationwide chain, Buffalo Wild Wings. I couldn't find any information about how many there are nationwide in my five minute search of the interweb, but there were 76 opened in the last 180 days so the chances are there's one near you. I'm reviewing the location at 3939 Washington Avenue, but you guys can just insert whatever location you want I'm sure they're all the same.
So here's what you need to know. Every Tuesday my coworkers and I participate in Wingsday, a weekly celebration of friends and dead chickens. We've had a couple months off total, but tradition is tradition and I'm a Republican so I'm just as into tradition as Democrats are into Radical Eats. At Buffalo Wild Wings, Tuesday is fifty cent wing night, but only if you order traditional, bone in wings. Just to let you know, this past Tuesday not a single person ordered the bone in wings. Boneless wings, burgers, buffalo wraps, you name it, but not a single bone in wing. I mean it's really good savings, obviously. I mean you can get twelve for six dollars! Boneless wings, you get for like a dollar each. You know what the worst part is? Thursdays they have fifty cent boneless wings! Why don't we just go on Thursday? There's no reason we go on Tuesdays that I know of, it's just as arbitrary as my criticism! -9
Let's go back to my need for stability and tradition in my BWW (B Dubs as us regs call it) (that's what I call it anyway). OK so my favorite buffalo wings - which I get boneless despite the obvious savings because it makes them feel more like chicken nuggets - are the jammin' jalapeno ones. But guess what! They're limited time only! But guess what else! They've been limited time only since the summer time. Since the end of last spring semester time. First they were limited time only in a special insert that went into your menu, but now they've printed entirely new menus that say they're limited time only ON THE ACTUAL MENU. Guys! I don't think they're actually limited time only! I think they're gonna be here for forever, which is such a good thing because it's my all time favorite wing sauce and if they get rid of it I'm going to have to find a new flavor! Or start eating buffalo wraps! Or stop going to Wingsday! +867 for their deceptive marketing that brings me my favorite wings every week!
Buffalo Wild Wings is obviously a sports bar, and I know what you're thinking. Sports? Who watches sports? But apparently lots of people do, and they like to do it loudly and drunkenly and in groups. We're all shocked by this intelligence I know. It's kind of fun though to hang out in those places with all the people watching their teams, but I wish they'd play something a little more accessible for us female types, like Air Bud or the other Air Bud movie when he's playing football instead. +7 The thing is though, my B Dubs tried to get really festive and place football jerseys on the walls of all the teams in the area, so you could go watch your favorite team and be surrounded by your favorite team too. But it's AWFUL! They have a football team from the Houston Texans and from Rice and from St. Thomas high school, but do you know which team is mysteriously absent? The University of Houston! They put up a high school football team, but not the UNIVERSITY OF HOUSTON! I go to school there! Don't they know I come in every week? Man if there's one demographic they ought to be catering to it's me! I order the expensive wings on fifty cent Tuesday! -13 for sure.
Here are some good things about Buffalo Wild Wings. They have winged buffaloes on their water cups, actually all of their cups. Buffaloes are my girlfriend Melissa's favorite animal, and things with wings are my fourth favorite, so it's kind of an amalgamation of our favorite things. +6 I'll be honest with you guys, I've wanted to steal one of those cups for a while but I wasn't raised to be that kind of thief, maybe like a jewel thief, but not a cup thief. Anyways I think they're really charming but I just can't do it. Other cool things are that they have advertisements for themselves on their walls! I mean how funny is that! I'm already eating at Buffalo Wild Wings, why would I need somebody to tell me to eat at Buffalo Wild Wings? I mean don't you think they should post those somewhere else, like train stations and the insides of strip clubs? I just think they're wasting their advertising dollars on the wrong market but I think it's kind of funny so I'm giving them +3 for this. As well, on their ketchup bottle, guess what it says? It says: ketchup: the source of mustard's insecurities. Isn't that hilarious it isn't even true! You use ketchup and mustard for completely different things! I never think to myself man I'd love to dip my french fries in some mustard! Alternatively, I never think man, I'm going to put some ketchup on my ham sandwich. It's like instead of siblings having a rivalry it's a pair of cousins, but cousins who live in different parts of the country and never see each other. I just think it's silly so once again I'm assigning them +9 for this.
Anyways like I said this review should be completely accessible to all audiences! But just in case it wasn't Houston specific enough mine didn't have any toilet paper in the ladies' bathroom and I had to use one of the seat liners and it was so resourceful of me but so sad and depressing. -19 Try out a B Dubs near you and drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org!